I’m currently sitting in the waiting room at a doctor’s office. My allergies are acting as the bane of my existence and I temporarily cannot breathe through my nose. I am surrounded by fellow mouth-breathers while listening to the medley of coughs, insignificant muttering, and deep sniffles in dire need of tissues.

There is a woman who keeps complaining that she can’t hear. She’s only about fifty. She’s here for a cold. She’s sitting next to the door because she says she can’t hear the nurse call her in. She is very enthusiastic about getting her medicine. She’s actually sitting on the opposite end of the room from me, but do you know how I know all of these things? I know this because SHE’S TALKING SO LOUD THAT EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM IS TIRED OF HEARING HER SAY THAT SHE CAN’T HEAR!

What is the deal with magazines in doctors’ offices? They are rarely updated and the ones that do get updated are the ones that no one reads. There are two National Geographics lying beside me and they just so happen to be from June & July 2013. There’s a lady reading a People issue that has the royal wedding on the cover. What are this?

I guess I’m not supposed to be writing this because there is a sign that says, “Please turn off all cell phones,” but honestly, does anyone actually follow that rule?

Don’t get me started on waiting time. My appointment was scheduled for forty-five minutes ago and yet here I am. I’m glad I’m not dying or anything. Oh, they just called me. Hang on a second.

***

I just went through he whole shabang. Weight. Blood pressure. Temperature. The nurse asked what was wrong with me and my snotty reply was, “I can’t really breathe through my nose.” When faced with a sarcastic look I elaborated and said my allergies were acting up.

After waiting another fifteen minutes for a practitioner, I was given a shot in the rear. In all my experience, I believe there is a truly an art to shot-giving that is given to medical professionals at birth. Those who give shots can either barely stick you with painless grace or put the wrath of God in you. The lady who gave mine today held the latter talent.

Now it’s off to get some meds. If it’s like the usual, I will get Amoxicillin. What an interesting name for medicine. Amoxicillin. I think I’ll name my kid that.