Christmas, “What Are This?” Style

Christmas: held by many as the greatest time of the year. I do not disagree.
My Christmas this year was excellent as always. I ate entirely too much. I enjoyed being home. I spent time with my crazy family. I got some great gifts. Blah. Blah. But you don’t want to hear about the normal parts of my Christmas do you? You want to hear about a “What are this?” moment. Well, here you go…

The highlight of my holiday season this year was a musical performance… my musical performance actually. You see, my grandparents hit a deer with their vehicle just days before Christmas. They were fine, but their vehicle needs a little cosmetic surgery. The deer passed away in the comforts of all her woodland friends and relatives; God rest her soul.

Anyway, my cousin, Candie, and I always get our grandma a gag gift and say it is from Santa. We usually associate it with something silly she has done throughout the year. Well this year, she received her present, which was small but still funny, about midways through the present-opening process and she thought she was off the hook until next Christmas. Little did she know that when we were done opening presents Candie and I would perform a rendition of “Grandma got Run Over by a Reindeer,” words edited to fit her situation by yours truly. What made it even better was the fact that the karaoke version of the song we performed to was a bluegrass version and we purposefully sang the song off key for pure entertainment. Dancing was included. After hearing my family cackle hysterically for the rest of the night, I discovered that someone videoed the musical number. I’m currently praying to God it doesn’t hit social media.

My favorite verse of the song is as follows:

Now we’re all so proud of Grandpa.
He’s been taking it so well:
Watching movies on the Hallmark,
Smoking cigarettes, and talking to himself.

If you only knew how accurate this stanza is.

My family has requested an encore performance at our annual New Year’s Eve party, which I’m happy to give. I just hope all recording devices are confiscated for the sake of my social life.

Regardless of the ridicule from my redneck parody, I feel extremely thankful to have had my family with me for this special time. I know a lot of people don’t have that blessing. From What Are This? I hope your Christmas was filled with love, happiness, and the true meaning of the season.

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